It was just as well, for now. When I got back to the Rescue Mission, they had saved me a bed and I had 32 messages from different banks, financial planners, and big wigs like that wanting to talk to me. Also, I had a lot of my friends ask for a little help. I gave them all I had that night. It all went to wine or some cheap booze, I’m sure. Wesley had a big jug of Muscatel and found me. Of course it is against the rules to bring booze into the mission, so he hid it and came in and found me and asked me to come on out and help him drink it. ‘Wesley,’ I told him, ‘I’m gonna need a lwawyer. You used to be a lwawyer didn’t you?’ ‘Yip, I did. Still am, in fact. I mean I still have my license, but I don’t have any clients.’ He replied. ‘Wewl, I need a lwawyer, will you be my lwawyer, Wesley? I hit the lwottewy and they tewl me I need someone to helwp me figure out alw this lwegal stuff.’ I said. ‘Billy, I’m just a wino. I can’t be trusted. I need my booze, you better get someone else.’. That’s when the lady put down the bread and milk and took out her phone. “Lydia started tossing flavored condoms at me. I had no idea there were so many. Who the fuck wants barbecue flavored beef anyway? Therefore, I threw two twenties on the counter and started opening the packages. “I rolled a raspberry flavored condom on his dipstick and took a taste. Nah, raspberry wasn’t the answer. Therefore, I tried strawberry. Better, but still not, what I was after. Blueberry didn’t work either. I was done with the berries and started in on other kinds of fruit. “Did you know they make a kiwi-flavored rubber? I like kiwis, but they didn’t get the taste quite right. I rolled a banana-flavored raincoat on him, but it tasted too real. I bit down. I thought Lydia was going to have a fucking heart attack when Josh screamed.” Josh interjected here. “I offered to buy every banana flavored condom she had if I could just burn them on the spot. Lydia wasn’t interested.” Veronica resumed. “We went.
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